Children and Domestic Violence

Lately it seems like I'm hearing a lot about children who live in violent homes and how this affects them. This is one of the most "unspoken" (as if there weren't enough already) areas of domestic violence. Children, whether or not they are abused themselves, are still affected in a myriad of ways when witnessing domestic violence. In my opinion making or even letting a child witness domestic violence should be considered a form of child abuse because it is so detrimental to a child psychological well being. Some of the effects are as follows (http://www.unicef.org/protection/files/BehindClosedDoors.pdf)

Children are more likely to be victims of child abuse

Among victims of child abuse, 40 per cent report domestic violence in the home. One study in North America found that children who were exposed to violence in the home were 15 times more likely to be physically and/or sexually assaulted than the national average.

Significant harm to a "child's physical, emotional, and social development"

Small children exposed to domestic violence experience so much added emotional stress that it can harm the development of their brains and impair cognitive and sensory growth. Behavior changes can include excessive irritability, sleep problems, emotional distress, fear of being alone, immature behavior, and problems with toilet training and language development. Personality and behavioral problems among children exposed to violence in the home include a higher risk of developing depression, anxiety, and other psychological disorders as well as having higher incidents of substance abuse, juvenile pregnancy and juvenile delinquency than those raised in homes without violence.

Some studies suggest social development is also damaged. Some children lose the ability to feel empathy for others, feel socially isolated, are unable to make friends as easily due to social discomfort or confusion over what is acceptable. Many studies have noted that children from violent homes exhibit signs of more aggressive behavior, such as bullying, and are up to three times more likely to be involved in fighting. In addition to these effects, children are at risk of getting hurt themselves if and when they try to protect the victim. Many children who
are present during acts of domestic violence try to help. One study showed that in 15 per cent of the cases when children were present, they tried to prevent the violence, and 6 per cent tried to get outside help. Another 10 per cent actively tried to protect the victim or make the violence stop.

Some important statistics from The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.acadv.org/children.html

• Each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family,1996)
• Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30 to 60 percent of family violence cases that involve families with children. (J.L. Edleson, "The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering." Violence Against Women, February, 1999.)
• A survey of 6,000 American families found that 50 percent of men who assault their wives, also abuse their children. (Pagelow, "The Forgotten Victims: Children of Domestic Violence," 1989)
• Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence. (Pagelow, "Effects of Domestic Violence on Children," Mediation Quarterly, 1990)
• A number one predictor of child abuse is woman abuse. (Stark and Flitcraft, "Women at Risk: A Feminist Perspective on Child Abuse," International Journal of Health Services, 1988)
• The more severe the abuse of the mother, the worse the child abuse. (Bowker, Arbitell, and McFerron, "On the Relationship Between Wife Beating and Child Abuse," Perspectives on Wife Abuse, 1988)
• Some 80 percent of child fatilities within the family are attributable to fathers or father surrogates. (Bergman, Larsen and Mueller, "Changing Spectrum of Serious Child Abuse," Pediatrics, 1986)
• In families where the mother is assaulted by the father, daughters are at risk of sexual abuse 6.51 times greater than girls in non-abusive families (Bowker, Arbitell and McFerron, 1988)
• A child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk fact for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family,1996)
• Male children who witness the abuse of mothers by fathers are more likely to become men who batter in adulthood than those male children from homes free of violence (Rosenbaum and O'Leary, "Children: The Unintended Victims of Marital Violence," American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 1981)
• Older children are frequently assaulted when they intervene to defend or protect their mothers. (Hilberman and Munson, "Sixty Battered Women," Victimology: An International Journal, 1977-78)
• In a 36-month study of 146 children, ages 11-17 who came from homes where there was domestic violence, all sons over the age of 14 attempted to protect their mothers from attacks. Some 62 percent were injured in the process. (Roy, 1988)

So what does all this mean?

This means we all, as a society, not only need to break the silence and raise awareness for domestic violence because of the adult victims but also for the children involved. Domestic violence is an epidemic with 1 in 4 women and 1 in 11 men being victims at some point. Now, think of their children. All the children who witness the violence and who get caught up in the middle and get hurt because they're either trying to protect their mothers (or fathers) or they're in the wrong place at the wrong time. I still remember the day my parents got into an argument, and my dad threw a glass from the kitchen at my mom in the family room. Instead of it hitting my mom, the glass hit one of my sisters in the forehead; the next day, while at the babysitter's, my sister pushed another boy off a table because she was mad about what had happened the day before. How's that for physical and social effects? Plus, she still has a scar to prove it and it happened about 24 yrs ago. Also, I went after my dad when I was in high school because he was beating on my mom, and I would rather have him hit me and he did. I've seen children who have witnessed domestic violence freeze up when someone yells. I'm still afraid of men when they get mad. 

Children who grow up in violent homes are likely to continue the cycle of violence by becoming abusers themselves (mostly boys) or becoming involved in abusive relationships (mostly girls) because that is how they are raised and anything else seems abnormal and scary. It is incredibly difficult to grow up trusting people and feeling worthy and safe when a child grows up in such an unpredictable and volatile environment. The longer we choose to ignore domestic violence, the longer we will have victims and future abuse. And don't forget the above statistics - 50% of men who abuse their wives also abuse their children. In other words, if we want to stop child abuse we must address spousal abuse as well and get these children and women to safer environments and away from the abuse, preferably together. We owe it not only to domestic violence victims, but to their children as well.

XOXOXO,

Lavender