Domestic Violence Definitions

So it's definitely not easy to discuss this subject much less begin a conversation or discussion about it. To start off then I am simply going to post a few definitions and facts for those not familiar with all the areas of domestic and family violence. And one important fact to remember is not all violence is physical or sexual. There is another form that is grossly overlooked, perhaps because it's not a recognized crime and leaves no marks and that is emotional/psychological abuse.

From http://www.domesticviolence.org

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:

• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
• actual or threatened physical harm
• sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.

Below I have defined the different types of abuse.

Physical:

Physical is perhaps the most well known and widely recognized as it is the most likely to leave bruises and other marks and is also the one focused on the most. Any form of physical violence between partners (married or not) can be considered physical abuse. Examples include: hitting, pushing, kicking, biting, pulling hair , and, yes, even preventing another from leaving (for example, blocking the way out).

Sexual:

Sexual abuse includes but is not limited to rape, sodomy, attempted rape, any kind of unwanted sexual touching including fondling, and child molestation. The National Center for Victims of Crime states :

almost any sexual behavior a person has not consented to that causes that person to feel uncomfortable, frightened or intimidated is included in the sexual assault category.

The law generally assumes that a person does not consent to sexual conduct if he or she is forced, threatened or is unconscious, drugged, a minor, developmentally disabled, chronically mentally ill, or believe they are undergoing a medical procedure

Some examples of sexual assault include:

• Someone putting their finger, tongue, mouth, penis or an object in or on your vagina, penis or anus when you don't want them to;
• Someone touching, fondling, kissing or making any unwanted contact with your body;
• Someone forcing you to perform oral sex or forcing you to receive oral sex;
• Someone forcing you to masturbate, forcing you to masturbate them, or fondling and touching you;
• Someone forcing you to look at sexually explicit material or forcing you to pose for sexually explicit pictures; and
• A doctor, nurse, or other health care professional giving you an unnecessary internal examination or touching your sexual organs in an unprofessional, unwarranted and inappropriate manner. (http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32369#1)

Emotional/Psychological Abuse:

This form of abuse is probably the most overlooked because it leaves no marks but it leaves scars nonetheless and includes verbal abuse. Ask anyone who's ever been a victim of it. This form of abuse is where isolation and controlling and possessive behavior come into play. 

Examples include: name-calling, verbal attacks, threats, isolation, and blaming the other person for everything that goes wrong.

Economic aka financial abuse also falls under this category. The following information is from helpguide.org (http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm#emotional)

 Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse

Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so. Economic or financial abuse includes:

• Rigidly controlling your finances.
• Withholding money or credit cards.
• Making you account for every penny you spend.
• Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).

• Restricting you to an allowance.
• Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
• Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly).
• Stealing from you or taking your money.

One VERY IMPORTANT thing to remember:

ANYONE can be a victim of abuse. Abuse transcends all economic, gender, age, and sexual orientation lines. It has no boundaries and it does get worse over time. You cannot change an abuser no matter how hard you try because 99% of the time they see absolutely nothing wrong with their abuse and deny it is abusive, often blaming the victim, saying things like "if you wouldn't make me mad" or "just do as you're told and I wouldn't have to do this" and sometimes even bringing in biblical verses such as wives submission to husbands (which will be covered later.) It is NEVER EVER the victim's fault. Abuse is all about control and the abuser never actually "loses control".

  

Remember that: The abuser never loses control. 

XOXO

Lavender Skye