Part 2 :My Story

Spring break came . . . 

She was going to go to the beach, flirt w/other guys, look hot in her cute 2 piece triangle top & boyshorts swimsuit and lap up all the attention and sun she could. And so she did . . . the 1st day.

And instead of meeting the cute guy from the beach later that night she decided to spend time w/her mother and met her at work to walk her home. Then HE passed on his way home (he lived near the daycare her mom worked) and passed again. The next day came and he went out of his way to pass her house after work. She was outside waiting on her mom to get home when he greeted her w/the finger and called out "bitch" upon which she repeated "asshole" to him. That night she thought up a plan to get him to stop harassing her. Just have him over to give him back a quartz crystal to him and talk. They could be friends. She was still very naive, but she was scared and couldn't think of anything better.

So they talked. They hugged. He came back over after work and they talked and hugged and spent time together again as she was babysitting her nephew. This was better than being scared of him. He wouldn't hurt her again. They were just friends. And now that he knew she wouldn't put up w/anything he would stop. Did I mention how naive she was?

They had a great time that week - going to the beach, out to eat, buying clothes. It was like they had never broken up. It was ok to kiss him and make out w/him even though they were just friends b/c he said so and he wanted her to, and she did want to so let herself believe it was ok.

The next few months went just like the last few while she was at school. This time though he kept an even tighter reign on her. He wanted her to come home and go to FAU so they could be close. They were just friends though. But she was his only friend and so on and he checked w/a friend who went and they had a good psychology program there. No she was staying. Then she wasn't allowed to hang out w/her guy friends anymore and arguments ensued. And so on and so on.

Summer came and she was home again. She took up a part time job at her previous high school place of work after a couple weeks. All other time spent not sleeping or working started consisting of J.C. again. They went to the mall, the beach, restaurants, for drives. Dr Jekyll had come back out. But it wasn't long before Mr Hyde showed up again.

She wasn't allowed to hang out w/her close friend and ex-boyfriend E.G. b/c he thought E.G. was a bad influence and would take her away from him. They were just friends and had broken up a few years prior after a short term dating relationship and she was far from interested in dating him again. He was a guy though and a threat. On top of which J.C. had made her back into his unofficial girlfriend and was staking his claim once again.

When her sister graduated boot camp things got scary and ugly real fast.

Her sister, B., got home and married her fiance at the courthouse. She and her sister spent time together but never alone. Her sister's husband never wanted B. alone with out him m as J.C. never wanted his girl alone w/out him. They all 4 had to go together to a waterpark b/c of this. Then came the night of terror. The night the 2 sisters went w/a longtime guy friend to see "Lilo & Stitch." they were late so they just waited for the next one an hr later. That hr almost cost the sisters their lives.

They were coming out of the theater, talking, joking, having a good time when J.C. and James (the sister's husband) pulled up in J.C.'s blue neon. That night would haunt her for years to come. The friend walked home by himself b/c the girls weren't allowed to walk w/him and when she tried to he grabbed her and told her to get in the car so she did. Home they went so her parents knew the sisters were safe. Then off to the bus station and into a nightmare.

The ride to the bus station was filled w/tension and fear. She had never seen him this angry and knew he could be violent. he had blocked her from escaping his anger before by force then had apologized later, but she feared something worse and no apology now. He had a butterfly knife in the glovebox. When she refused to hold his hand he snapped. He grabbed her hand, squeezed so her hand hurt and wouldn't let go. Then he grabbed for the knife in the glovebox. She was terrified he was going to hurt her or kill her. She had seen the movies and knew the stories.

He finally let go of her hand and said he wanted to kill himself. Then he grabbed for the knife again and purposely swerved the car when she tried to block him from getting it. He tried again and swerved again. I'm going to crash the car if you don't let me into that glovebox, and so she got the knife out herself but didn't hand it to him until after he threatened her. She kept pleading w/him while her sister was pleading from the backseat. He had to stop and think about this. Yet he refused, still threatening her until the bus station finally came into view.

They got there, and while the other two went in to pick up her sister's bus ticket for the next day, he got out of the car and walked to the end of the parking lot. She followed her sister inside at this point but came back out to check on J.C. a few min later and talk him out of this insanity. He said he wanted to kill himself b/c she was mad at him. She finally succeeded him in calming him down enough that he could drive and held his hand the entire way home just so she could get there safely. But then after they got home came the apology. I'm sooo sorry. I'll never do it again. I didn't mean it. Its just I don't want to lose you and when you got out of the movie later than you were supposed to I thought something had happened to you. And so she forgave him. It was over. He promised not to do anything like that again. Until he did something similar.

They were still "together" even after her sister's pleas to get rid of him. She was scared to leave. She was scared of HIM. And so he played on those emotions the rest of the summer. It became a constant game of I'm going to kill myself if you don't tell me you love me or we wont be together. Now instead of protecting her she was protecting him from himself. After that night she vowed to leave him as soon as the summer was over and she was back away at college where he couldn't hurt her. She was scared if she left him before he would kill her or her mother. He had even at one point, after seeing her father's own violence directed at her, tried to kidnap her so they could be together and she would never have to worry about being scared again, which was very ironic due to this being after the incident of that one night. She had left w/him after her father tried to beat her and had fallen asleep in the car while they were out for a drive. When she woke up they were in his driveway only b/c he was trying to figure out where to go with her. He wanted to take her away from her pain not aware of the fact that he was the one she really feared. She was sure her father would never kill her. But she wasn't so sure about J.C. And she didn't want to be one of those girls who run away from home w/a guy who promises to love them and take care of them only to beat them and terrorize them in total isolation.

She hated her father but she hated this monster more. It took over 2 hours of pleading and crying before he finally took her home. Then he would never leave her home alone again until she went to bed.

They were constantly out and/or together. She was feeling smothered but scared to say anything. He started being nice again and taking her out and buying her pretty clothes to show off her body when she was w/him but only when she was w/him. She had a sexy red tube top he had bought that she loved and wore one day to surprise him in at work but he flipped and so she never did this again. He had her so afraid of him that when they went out to eat and an older guy in his 40s checked her out as she was walking to the restroom she felt so uncomfortable that she didn't know if she wanted to eat there after J.C. had taken her outside b/c of how J.C. would react if she saw the man again (they ate there but w/her on the lookout). She also became fearful the other man would do something to her b/c of the way J.C. was going on and on about how the man looked at her and made a comment like "I would fuck that," which was probably an innocent enough comment to start with. It's not like he was going to follow her and try to rape her. But J.C. didn't see it that way.

Then there was the night w/the sword incident. As mentioned previously he had a small collection of swords. One night when she didn't want to make out and do everything except have sex he got out a sword and started showing it off. He knew she didn't particularly like this sword and she told him again but his real purpose in taking it out became apparent when he started stabbing his bed with it very close to where she was laying. He thought it was funny how scared she was and told her he wouldn't hurt her that he was just playing. She was holding still b/c she was afraid he would stab her and he used that as an excuse turning it around to say if you don't move it doesn't matter. This is fun don't you think? No actually she didn't think so and wanted him to stop but refused to stop "playing" and just barely missed her a couple of times when she finally suggested making out again instead of watching the movie like she had wanted. And so they did. It was during this episode that he went so far as to suggest they "make love" but she kept quiet about it and said she needed to get home before it was too late b/c she had a curfew now since that night (and this night she was happy about it).

She never did "make love" to him as he suggested at least one more time but she did come really close. And had he tied to he would have succeeded. She was that scared that she would rather lose her virginity than be "raped," not realizing that's exactly what it would've been even if she had let him. She did however lose even more of her innocence over the course of that summer esp after she had seen what he was capable of. She let him (and wanted him to) fondle her breasts w/his hands and tongue and touch her wherever he wanted. He would kiss her and perform oral sex on her even when she pushed him away so she just stopped and let him (this was not one of the things she eventually liked b/c it was so personal and intimate) do it whenever he wanted. He was allowed to undress her and she would undress him like he wanted until they were in just their underwear. There was a point when he wanted to undress her all the way and almost succeeded until she diverted his hand. He would caress her all over including inside her underwear which never came completely off but close. And he would do the dreaded dry humping in just underwear and penetrating her w/his finger. She had far off let go of the idea of telling him no b/c he would do all these things anyway and maybe more if she made too much of a fuss. She did like it at times b/c she was human and all of us are sexual beings. So she felt like it was ok b/c she eventually liked it. And maybe it was ok after the point she started liking it and wanting it. It's all a little confusing at that point b/c it wasn't all him eventually. He made her feel like she was in heaven during these encounters, and he was so nice and acted like his old self again until she tried to stop him or they weren't alone. And so she wanted him to continue w/these acts, not realizing just how much she would hate herself later.

She eventually realized these encounters were like this only because he had exactly what he wanted - her virginity within his reach and complete control. She realized this near the end after they were at an outdoor shopping area in Miami and had gone into the Hard Rock Cafe souvenir part and she asked him to buy her a really cute white Hard Rock tank top w/zebra striped spaghetti straps, the type of tank top she loved wearing. He said he didn't like her wearing those "slutty" clothes. He wanted her to stop showing off her body when he wasn't around and accused her of trying to attract other guys w/the clothes. She became furious b/c she had worn those type of "slutty clothes" since high school and that was what had attracted him to her and he had even bought some of them and she wasn't going to stop wearing them b/c he wanted her to. He dragged her by the wrist toward the car to leave when she tried to yank her wrist away and his grip was so tight around it and had become tight enough to crush her bones together that it did and she threatened to scream. He let go eventually after she started crying in pain and fear and threatened to call the cops when he did let her go. He didn't want a scene so he let her go and she still cant remember if he apologized for hurting her hand. It was a couple weeks later she was finally able to leave again for school, which had become her escape and safe haven and would be until she graduated.

She finally had the strength to leave him after a short period in the hospital while she was ill. But the struggle wasn't over yet. She had to find God again and became more and more withdrawn at church until she eventually stopped going and started going to a new church where no one knew her except the few friends & the professors that went. Throughout the years she struggled w/depression and guilt and her relationships w/men and with God but she is slowly finding her way back again w/the help of God, her friends, and a minister God put into her life. She is beginning to heal and find her way back after years of hiding. While she is still scared of her monster and ex fiance and fears ever meeting up w/him again when she visits FL, esp now that she has a daughter who she would die for, she is beginning to heal.

XOXOXO

Lavender